Start With Self-Love, then Love Others

“I always believe that no one is capable of loving someone else before they can love themselves.” – just me.

I’ve seen enough people can’t be single nor be with their own. Some of them claimed they are not happy being alone, some said they need someone else to spend their time. Although this is quite common, this is a very interesting situation. People stay with someone else because they don’t want to be alone. I completely understand why this happens but I completely disagree with this mindset.

As I grow up, I realise that being with someone else will only work if we are happy with ourselves. We need to be contempt with who we are before we build a relationship with other human being. Come on! if we can’t even handle our annoying self, how would we handle external annoyance?

As a married person, I’ve been in a situation where I shouted at my husband mainly because of my own frustration and not necessarily because of what he did. Things he has been doing since we met, usually tolerable by me, can suddenly become something I hate within a second. One day, I was very angry at hime because he was sitting on the sofa while eating his breakfast – and I felt that it was a wrong thing to do. I mean – yeah, sure, he could have eaten on the dining table but also:

  1. It’s not the only time he did it. It happens quite often if not almost every day.
  2. It doesn’t usually bother me.

So – the question is: why did I shouted at him for something he has been doing since we met?

It is true that I love things to be in place. I usually discuss this that bothers me with cold headed and try to reach agreement how we do things. This been said, I never really agree with ‘eating on the couch’ behaviour but I’ve accepted it long time ago. So, after I shouted at hime, I realised, the issue was on me. I was in a bad mood due to bad night sleep and that triggered my bad behaviour towards him.

Contemplating into this particular situation, I noted some important lessons for myself.

I can be kind to someone else only after I am in peace with myself. In addition to that, I can love someone only when I have love for me.

If only I acknowledged that I was in a bad mood, I might have taken some times for myself to calm down before I interacted with him. I would have reacted normally when I saw him eating on the couch.

If I knew I was tired due to lack of sleep, I would have made myself feel better first before stepping out the bedroom and met my husband.

If only I knew I was exhausted, I would have spent more time with me and made myself happy first before I said good morning to my husband.

If I realised I was in a bad mood, the very least I could do was telling him that fact in advance so he can be prepared.

The bigger picture is we need to learn how to love ourself first before we can love others. It can start as simple as accepting that we are not perfect and thus no one else is. Whatever it is, we need to start from ourselves.

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